4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
