Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
