And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
