i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
