i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
