I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
