she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
