My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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