Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
