singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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