i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
