I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
