If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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