Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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