we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
