at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
