I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
