i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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