there's paper in my vomit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
