Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
