you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
