Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
