we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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