guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
