I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
