OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
