Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
