Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
