Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
