i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
