Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
