so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
