he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
