apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
