he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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