I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
