He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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