I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
