When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
