I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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