If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
