just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
