i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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