i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
