If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
