hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
