youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
