Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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