The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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