i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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