dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
